GENTLEMAN OF DISTINCTION

excerpt from COLORS OF MY WORLD (see Aug 31, 2010)

During a Healing Racism workshop one of the first exercises is to go around the room and introduce yourself and tell why you are there.

This particular workshop had about 20 attendees.  Most were first timers and a few were there after going through a workshop previously. Alvin 's first time coming was when he saw a newsspaper article announcing a workshop to be held at the public library.  He happened to sit by me at this first session.  One of the excercises was to pick someone you had never met and get to know them, a suggestion to contact them outside of the workshop and build a one on one friendship. He was startled when I turned to this brown, distinguished man and gave  him my phone number and asked him to call me.  He looked wary and noncommital.  But he did call.  When he did he said he was just trying to see if I would really reach out in friendship.  We chatted and exchanged family and interest information.  He was married with children and had never really experienced a more than surface friendship with a "white".   He told me of his efforts to mentor youth at a middle school for four years.  The men who mentored called themselves "Gentlenmen of Distinction".  Thus began a real friendship.

Alvin came to other workshops.  At this particular workshop, at the "tell your story of why you were there" time, a man announced that he was a member of the Klu Klux Klan and just wanted to check us out to see what we were up to.  Alvin quietly got up and left the room.  I noticed and unobtrusively followed  him out.  He was standing outside in a very rigid stance.  I went to him and asked him what was wrong.  He said that as a 10 year old he was walking along side of the road and had been run off the road by the car of a Klan member.  At the time he vowed that he would kill one when he grew up.  He said,  "I can't do that now but I am so angry I can't stay in that room."  I talked with him for a while and told him that this was what the workshop was about.  If he could come back in and tell his story and attempt to build a bridge of understanding it would help him heal.  H came back in and told the group his story.  The Klan member came back to the sessions several times then wrote the group a letter stating that he couldn't come anymore but had learned a lot and wished us well.  We never saw him again but Alvin seemed to feel more at peace.

I called Alvin yesterday to get permission to write about him and to renew our friendship which had become dormant due to living in different states and  very active lives on each of our parts.  I found that he was partners in a counselling firm working with the department of corrections dealing with substance abuse, sex offenders and juveniles in trouble.

He said the Healing Racism Wrokshops were still needed, that people were more surface polite to each other but there was not very much real, indepth friendships.  It was so heartwarming to make contact again and feel his genuine goodness and desire to make a difference.  We plan to maintain the friendship better than we had.